Dating is daunting in the best of situations. But, making the jump back into the dating pool after the loss of a spouse is unthinkable.

Chances are that your marriage was long enough that dating seems completely foreign. The current dating landscape looks more like an alien planet than anything you did in the past. For some, you may have lost your spouse to an unexpected injury or accident which is even more jarring. For many, this means the very first time they would ever have to consider using online dating as a way to meet people. Then there is also the fact that for some, dating a widower or widow can seem strange.

Anxiety over trying online dating is only made worse by the media. Accounts of dating scams and people misrepresenting themselves flood the news.

Yes, there are definitely some people out there that are up to no good. There always will be whether you meet online or out in the world “traditionally”. But, online dating is one of the best and most popular ways to find your next great love.

Here are some of the most common questions about finding love online after losing a spouse.

Am I ready?

The first hurdle to jump with thinking about getting back into the dating pool is whether they are ready.

I’ve had widows/widowers who have come to me for online dating profile help years after losing their spouse. I’ve also had people come to me as little as 72 hours after laying a loved one to rest.

There is no set rule here. What feels right to you is the right answer for you. It doesn’t matter what other people tell you. You are the one who has to live your life, not them. With that said, here are a couple of things to consider: 

Are you looking because you are ready for the next chapter of your life? Or are you looking because you want to fill a hole in your heart?

This is one of the biggest factors between success and failure when dating as a widow or widower. If you are looking for someone to enjoy life with, you are ready.

But, if your main motivation is that you are missing having that second person there… you might need a little more time to get into the right headspace. Remember that it might also be 

Can you describe what you want without picturing your spouse?

I’ll admit, this question is a little unfair.

Everyone looks back at the great relationships of their lives to decide what they need for the next one.

But, if you can’t judge the worth of a potential new mate without comparing them to your lost love it’s not the right time. Once you can establish what you’re looking for and not comparing your date to your husband or wife, then you’re ready.